2 smses

Yesterday i received 2 smses from my bf. And no fone calls. The day before that, sumwhat similar. Today, still the same. My relationship with him is so monotonous and almost dead? Is it? So every now and then i will call him up and gush everything out and be an emotional volcano to him and we will end up shouting at each other (mostly it is I who will be doing the shouting) and its always about the same thing. Why dont u care enuff to call? why dont u care enuff to reply my smses? u forgot this, u forgot that, dont u care?
 I am a female. I need constant attention from the guy whom i call my bf. I need to talk, i need to voice things out. He, on the other hand, is a guy. To him, 2 smses per day is more then sufficient. (I guess just knowing that im still alive is suficient). how pathetic is that?
3 years ago, when i fell in love with him and we just started dating, we used to talk for hours on the fone, and sms each other a hundred times a day (literally!). and at that time, when one of my girlfrens was having a huge fight with her boyfren (names shall not be mentioned) and was screaming at hime on the fone, i wud secretly smile inside coz i was so certain that me and ajo will never be like that. and yet look at us now.
How did we get from there to here? what happened to us? I know that i still love him as fiercely now as i did then, and i think he feels the same way about me( I HOPE).
is it possible that we have gotten too comfortable with each other and our situation that we dont bother to show it anymore? or is it that he is just taking it for granted? knowing that i will always be here for him.
I never thought our relationship wud get this far. and i never imagine that it will all come down to 2 smses per day. i always thought that we will be different from those couples. u know, those who fight on the fone, or in public.
I am going to be 28 this May. i recently read a blog that i wrote when i was 23. sumthing about guys and relationships. funny how some things never change. the guy may change but the issues will always be the same.
If ur a guy and u happen to read this, plz take a moment to think bout what im about to say. It wouldnt kill u to be romantic to ur gf once in a while, it wouldnt kill u to suprise her with a fonecall during the day when she's working, just to tell her u love her. it wouldnt kill u to reply her smses. it wouldnt kill u to maybe get her a gift once in a while like a silly key chain that she cud put on her car keys. or putting ur picture together as display on facebook or yahoo instead of some lame footballer. it wouldnt kill u to care a bit more. or at least, pretend that u care.

Good friends... great food

When i was studying in Bandung, me and my frens had this understanding where every weekend, we will dress up nicely, put on our make ups and go out to a really fancy place for dinner. I miss that. Throughout the weekday we will go our separate ways to classes, practicals, we each had our circle of frens and when we do bump into each other we say hi and then are soon on our way again. but what got us thru our week was knowing that each weekend, we will meet up again, all dressed up, meeting at a different venue every time. Sumtimes one of us wud be in tears, talking about a cheating partner, other days we wud be laughing and giggling over a little gossip one of us recently overheard. Life was good then, relaxed, at ease. I laughed a lot, cried a lot. And i changed everytime. And thats what has made me the person that I am. I miss my dear frens, some of them are now wives, mothers a role i am yet to carry. but alas all of us have one thing in common, we are now doctors.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me, 
Black as the Pit from pole to pole, 
I thank whatever gods may be 
For my unconquerable soul. 
  
In the fell clutch of circumstance 
I have not winced nor cried aloud. 
Under the bludgeonings of chance 
My head is bloody, but unbowed. 
  
Beyond this place of wrath and tears 
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years 
Finds and shall find me unafraid. 
  
It matters not how strait the gate, 
How charged with punishments the scroll, 
I am the master of my fate; 
I am the captain of my soul.

Being a doctor...

Being a doctor is not what it seems. I always thought after medical school that the worst is over, that from then on everything will be smooth and I will be content with my working life. But alas, with the money comes more and more responsibility and here I am now, caught in the middle, burdened between my family's financial situation and my own. But thankfully, I still find pleasure in what I do, and at the darkest of nights when my hands are covered in blood and a life has just been saved, the feeling of content and satisfaction over a days works still washes over me as I wash my hands in the sink. These moments are fleeting, the pleasure almost surreal, since the exhaustion physically and mentally overwhelms everything else. Why did I chose to be a doctor? I have forgotten. It has been a long and winding road which has made me numb.

April 14th, 2008

A friend messaged me recently, saying that reading my blog is like reading a novel. Hmm i guess thats a compliment if sorts, but it could also mean that my life so filled with drama (get it right, im not saying im a drama queen!) being that people seem to think of this blog as a novel, i feel obliged to add a few more quite embarassing yet dramatic "chapters" that happened recently.

I went out on a date with him again last saturday nite. =) since we were just going sumwhere nearby to grab sumthing to eat i decided to dress casually and threw on a pair of jeans, a knitted hoodie (which i like sooo much) and sandals. so anyway we were walking towards Cihampelas when the most embarassing thing happened! oh my god i am still embarassed right now thinking about it. My sandal broke! i mean it just came off! ie, came off as in the strap totally came OFF! ohmigod and i just stood there feeling totally like a fool and then when i gathered my cool, started to laff it off and then tried to be cute about it. hehe i can be pretty charming and cute when i want, lol! ok seriously before gay3 say "maz im gonna vomit in my mouth"..

but!!! he was totally understanding about it and offered me his sandals instead and then he actually walked barefooted to Giant before we got a new pair of sandals for me(which he paid for, i might add). sigh* does this guys kindness and understanding ever stop? i hope not!

i treated him to a chocolate sundae on the way home. just to say that im sorry for being such a klutz, im sure im the only girl whos sandal broke while on a date,leaving him barefeet.

so to the guy who walked barefooted on the street of Cihampelas for me, ur charming n understanding n cute, thank u =)